I Was Doing Everything Right... So Why Was I Still Gaining Weight?
It’s one of the most frustrating parts of midlife. You’re eating better than ever. You’re moving more. You’re doing “all the right things”—but the scale won’t budge. Or worse, it creeps up.
That was me.
As a nurse, I knew there were more layers to weight loss than calories in and calories out. But when I hit perimenopause, the rules changed. My usual tools stopped working. I didn’t feel like I was overeating or slacking off. And yet, I felt heavier, more bloated, and exhausted all the time.
That’s when I realized: I was carrying something invisible. And it was dragging everything down—my energy, my mood, and my ability to lose weight.
It was stress. And it was sleep. And it was a lot more powerful than I gave it credit for.
The Sleep-Weight Connection Most Women Don’t Talk About
You can track your macros perfectly, but if you’re not sleeping well, your body won’t let go of weight easily. Here’s why.
Poor Sleep Disrupts Hunger Hormones
Lack of sleep causes two major hormonal shifts:
- Ghrelin, your “I’m hungry” hormone, goes up.
- Leptin, your “I’m full” hormone, goes down.
This means your body is literally signaling for more food—especially sugar and carbs—because it’s desperate for quick energy. It’s not a willpower issue. It’s a biological reaction.
There’s strong research behind this. One study published in The Journal of Clinical Endocrinology & Metabolism showed that sleep deprivation alters the very hormones that control appetite, leading to increased hunger and decreased satiety.
Sleep Deprivation Increases Cravings and Belly Fat
When you don’t sleep well, your body produces more cortisol—your main stress hormone. And high cortisol levels are linked to belly fat, especially visceral fat.
Even if you’re eating clean and working out, elevated cortisol from poor sleep can send a message to your body: Store fat. Hold on to energy. Don’t let go.
Quality > Quantity
I used to think 8 hours in bed meant 8 hours of rest. But midlife sleep is different. I started waking up at 3 a.m., restless and wired. Even with “enough” hours, I was exhausted.
What helped me: magnesium before bed, a wind-down routine, and a no-screens-after-9PM rule. It wasn’t perfect, but it started to shift my sleep from scattered to restorative.
The Weight of Stress: Cortisol and the Midlife Belly
Chronic Stress = Chronic Cortisol = Fat Storage
Stress affects everything—your mood, your digestion, your ability to sleep. But it also has a huge impact on your ability to lose weight. Chronic stress leads to chronically elevated cortisol, which signals your body to hang on to fat—especially around the belly.
Cortisol’s job is to keep you safe during a crisis. But your body can’t tell the difference between the stress of being chased by a bear and the stress of endless emails, sick kids, or a bad night’s sleep. So it reacts the same way: it stores fat to keep you “protected.”
Midlife = Peak Stress Years for Many Women
This stage of life isn’t just about hormonal changes—it’s also often when women are juggling more than ever:
- Aging parents
- Teenagers or grown kids
- Busy careers
- Changing bodies and relationships
Even if you’re not emotionally overwhelmed, your nervous system might still be stuck in fight-or-flight. And that keeps cortisol high.
Stress Eating vs. Stress Hormones
It’s not always about stress eating. You can eat super clean and still have a hard time losing weight if your stress hormones are elevated. That’s what was happening to me. I wasn’t overeating—I was overwhelmed. And my body responded by slowing down, holding onto fat, and resisting weight loss.
What Helped Me Find Balance—Even Before the Scale Moved
When I stopped trying to push harder and started focusing on recovery and rest, everything began to shift. Not just my weight—but how I felt.
Tools That Helped Me Sleep Better
- Magnesium glycinate before bed (I use 1st Phorm Magnesium)
- Weighted blanket to calm my nervous system
- No screens for at least an hour before bed
- Chamomile or lemon balm tea to unwind
These small rituals created signals for my body to rest—and over time, my sleep became deeper and more consistent.
How I Reduced Daily Stress (Without Meditating on a Mountain)
I used to think I needed to “do more” to fix my stress. But it turns out, I needed to do less.
Here’s what helped:
- Daily walks, even just 15 minutes outside
- Saying “no” to things that didn’t serve me
- Breathing before reacting, especially during work stress
- Letting go of the idea that I had to do everything perfectly
- Strength training 4 days per week (Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday) focusing on a progressive overload program via the FHM+ App (I have gained a lot of strength and muscle, yes, but more importantly - I feel confident and accomplished.
These shifts didn’t just help with weight loss—they helped with how I showed up for myself and everyone around me.
You Don’t Have to Push Harder—You Need to Recover Smarter
If you’re stuck in the cycle of “doing everything right” but still not seeing results, you’re not broken. You’re likely just burned out.
Your body isn’t lazy—it’s stressed. It’s tired. It’s doing its best to protect you. And when you start to support it with rest, calm, and compassion, you give it permission to let go of the weight it’s been holding.
This has been one of the most powerful lessons of my menopause journey—and I hope it gives you the permission to stop pushing harder and start recovering smarter.
